How to Positively Receive Negative Feedback

Very few people take criticism well. We don’t like to be judged. We want to feel good about ourselves and the work we do. And because each of us has some level of self-doubt, negative or corrective feedback can upset our equilibrium.

But it’s important not to let defensiveness and anger be your first reaction to negative feedback. Although the person delivering the feedback may not be particularly good at providing it, it’s still a gift.

Regardless of whether the criticism is coming from an employee or customer, whether it's accurate, or whether it hurts your self-image, pause before you react. Take the time to hear what the other person is saying, because most people have to work up the courage to offer criticism.

Here are a few more tips for handling criticism:

1. Be quiet and listen to what is being said, even if you don’t agree. Avoid hostile questions and arguments about facts. Listen for the full context so you don't miss anything.
2. View the feedback in a positive light. Put a positive spin on feedback. Think of it as an opportunity to "live and learn". 
3. Look for the truth in every message – their truth as well as your own. Remember, there are two sides to every story, so be sure to think about it from the other person’s perspective. Ask yourself some questions: How am I right? How am I wrong? How is the other side right? How are they wrong? How are we both right and wrong?
4. Ask questions if you’re unclear on details.
5. Separate the messenger from the message to maintain positive relationships. Don’t shoot the messenger, as the old saying goes. They're likely not trying to be personal, so don't take it personally.
6. Make sure your body language is positive or neutral. Don’t frown, wrinkle your brow or cross your arms. These things can show hostility or even anger.
7. Convey a genuine gratitude. Thank the person for the feedback, and say it like you mean it. It helps if you can follow up with them later to show how you are putting the feedback to use.
8. Separate the act of receiving feedback from deciding what to do with it. Save evaluation and critique of the feedback for later once you’ve had a chance to think about it and digest it. Request time to follow up.
9.  Improve your behavior in a visible way if you decide the feedback is valid.
10.  Don’t avoid the messenger. If someone gives you negative feedback, don’t let discomfort keep you from interacting with them in the future. Always assume the feedback was given with the best intentions and keep the door open for future feedback.
11. Value people who tell you the truth.

Calmly and graciously accepting criticism isn’t always easy. Listening completely without reacting can be downright challenging. But by asking questions, keeping your body language in check, and pausing before reacting, negative feedback can be positive for you.